Tony Moclair is a two-time ARIA award winning comedian and a Carlton fan to boot. Dazza bends his ear and hits him with some hard questions . . .
1. What is the most memorable thing to happen to you while wearing footy shorts?
At Mildura West Primary, the grade 5s took on the Grade 6s in what was our version of the Showdown. As Grade 5s, we refused to be intimidated by our older rivals, and even thought we’d add a bit of VFL realism to our pre-game ritual by running through a banner. The only thing we overlooked was the importance of using crèche paper. We, instead, used thick plastic stripping hammered into two fence posts.
2. If you were lining up for a goal on the final siren, which song would you want played on the PA and why?
"Shaddap your face". My team’s fans would be too busy laughing to care if I missed.
3. What is the worst half time grand final entertainment you've ever seen?
David Parkin’s instructions to Tommy Alvin on how to play Michael long. The year was 1993.
4. Which Gold Coast player would you most like to line up against?
The one who’s not a mercenary.
5. If Gazza led The Suns to a premiership this year, what would his commemorative tattoo read??
Told ya it was rigged!!
6. If you could have a drink with any player past or present who would it be and why?
David Rhys Jones. I’d ask why he always looked so shocked at being reported after clocking guys in front of the umpire.
7. Judd, Ablett or Swan?
Combine all three and call him Marc Murphy.
8. If you were on the rules committee how would you best incorporate a BBQ into the game?
Umpires would be toasted alive for giving frees against Carlton.
9. Best bogan - Danny Southern, Tony Lockett, Darren Milburn or The Fev?
I dunno- maybe Fev. Getting drunk at the Casino- is that something a bogan would do?
10. What is your favourite pub for a post-game beer?
Percy’s in Carlton, of course.
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