Tony Wilson is a lover, traveller, writer and broadcaster. He is also, most importantly, a footballer. Dazza tracks down Tony Wilson to ask him 10 of life's most important questions:
1. You played reserves for Hawthorn during the glory days of the early 90s. Who do you think would win in a fight: Dermie or JD?
Dermie would slaughter 'Bung', as we used to call him, in anything resembling a fair fight. I once found out during a bout of 'shadow boxing' just how devastatingly talented Dermott was with his fists. Dermott could have been anything in sport. A boxer, a cricketer, a long distance runner... he was unbelievable. Having said that, Bung was probably the better player over the entirety of his career.
They were very different personalities. Dermott put his hand out to me on the first night he saw me at the club, and introduced himself (somewhat superfluously. 'Dermott Brereton ... if you've got any problems, come and talk to me.' I'm not sure Dunstall ever spoke to me. He was just a little more distant.
2. The Hawthorn team of the 1990s had some hairy looking bastards: Ayres’s drop-dead mullet, Dermie’s perm, Dippa’s handlebar, Platten’s curls and John Kennedy’s porn star mo. Having seen the team in the shower, who do you rate as the Hairiest Hawk?
'The Rat' John Platten was a very well named little rodent. Dipper was hirsute. Dermott was definitely not a natural blonde. I think Darrin Pritchard packed a reasonable amount of body hair. Gee, this is pretty disturbing ... racking my brain this hard trying to picture them all nude in the shower 18 years on. I'll vote for Platts.
3. You wrote about AFL in your first novel, Players, and EPL in your follow up novel Making News. Is it true your next novel shines a light on the murky underbelly of Australia's competitive Pétanque scene?
Patanque is crying out for somebody to eviscerate its sordid underbelly.
Dermie would slaughter 'Bung', as we used to call him, in anything resembling a fair fight. I once found out during a bout of 'shadow boxing' just how devastatingly talented Dermott was with his fists. Dermott could have been anything in sport. A boxer, a cricketer, a long distance runner... he was unbelievable. Having said that, Bung was probably the better player over the entirety of his career.
They were very different personalities. Dermott put his hand out to me on the first night he saw me at the club, and introduced himself (somewhat superfluously. 'Dermott Brereton ... if you've got any problems, come and talk to me.' I'm not sure Dunstall ever spoke to me. He was just a little more distant.
2. The Hawthorn team of the 1990s had some hairy looking bastards: Ayres’s drop-dead mullet, Dermie’s perm, Dippa’s handlebar, Platten’s curls and John Kennedy’s porn star mo. Having seen the team in the shower, who do you rate as the Hairiest Hawk?
'The Rat' John Platten was a very well named little rodent. Dipper was hirsute. Dermott was definitely not a natural blonde. I think Darrin Pritchard packed a reasonable amount of body hair. Gee, this is pretty disturbing ... racking my brain this hard trying to picture them all nude in the shower 18 years on. I'll vote for Platts.
3. You wrote about AFL in your first novel, Players, and EPL in your follow up novel Making News. Is it true your next novel shines a light on the murky underbelly of Australia's competitive Pétanque scene?
Patanque is crying out for somebody to eviscerate its sordid underbelly.
The common theme in both my books is media. In Players, it's the tabloid footy TV media, perhaps typified by the Footy Show. But for the second book, I wanted to do something on tabloid newspaper culture, and nowhere is that better typified than in the UK. And so once I was in the UK, and once I decided that the celebrity the newspaper was going to target would be a sportsman, the Premier League was the natural arena.
4. What is the funniest thing to happen to you while wearing footy shorts?
In 1991, a whole group of my friends from Uni came along to watch me play in the Hawthorn Under 19s. It was a very wet afternoon at Arden Street, and they watched in bewilderment as I wandered up the wrong race. I worked it
out when I was sitting on a bench in the change room, surrounded by Denis Pagan and 20 young Kangaroos players.
Later in my career, I won a few laughs by becoming the only player in footy history to don the Kareem Abdul Jabaar goggles (used them to protect my eyes when I started wearing hard contact lenses for my keratoconus).
5. Which team would you most like to see on top of the ladder in 2011? And on the bottom?
I had a falling out with the Hawks after they delisted me in 1992, but I'm back now. I hope it’s a Cyril led renaissance, and that we rediscover the glory of 2008. In last place, I'd like to see the Gold Coast (likely) or Collingwood (unlikely).
6. Where do you think the Gold Coast Suns will finish this season?
I'm predicting sixteenth or seventeenth for the Suns. Sadly, it will be a temporary slump as the vast riches of this stupid expansion are ploughed into hauling them up the ladder. Western Sydney will start even worse, and
are an even greater folly. Why not Tassie? A proper footy state with proper footy people in it.
Greater Western Sydney is where I'd go to set up a soccer team, a rugby league team or a criminal gang.
7. If Nathan Ablett was going for $20, would you put him in your Dream Team?
Nup. To think that Nathan kicked three goals in a premiership team. Quite astonishing. He temporarily benefited from the same sweet torrent of midfield dominance that also sustained Cam Mooney. And Tomahawk. For mine,
the JPod is the only one of the big Cats who is a proper key position target and a natural mark. I love him.
8. If you were a prize fighter, what song would you have playing as you made your way to the ring and why?
I'd walk out to Joe Cocker's 'You Can Leave Your Hat On', and do some suggestive work with my silk dressing gown on the way out. This would be about as good as it got for me.
9. What is your favourite pub for a post-game beer?
Handsome Steve's House of Refreshment at the Abbotsford Convent. A giant papier mache Gary Ablett Snr sits on the bar. There are footy clippings on every wall, including some relating to West Mount Gambier.
10. Gazza, Judd or Swannie?
Judd has been best for the longest. Gazza's prelim against Collingwood was the perfect game. Swannie I love for willing himself to become elite. But he's still the worst of those three.
Juddy at a pinch.
4. What is the funniest thing to happen to you while wearing footy shorts?
In 1991, a whole group of my friends from Uni came along to watch me play in the Hawthorn Under 19s. It was a very wet afternoon at Arden Street, and they watched in bewilderment as I wandered up the wrong race. I worked it
out when I was sitting on a bench in the change room, surrounded by Denis Pagan and 20 young Kangaroos players.
Later in my career, I won a few laughs by becoming the only player in footy history to don the Kareem Abdul Jabaar goggles (used them to protect my eyes when I started wearing hard contact lenses for my keratoconus).
5. Which team would you most like to see on top of the ladder in 2011? And on the bottom?
I had a falling out with the Hawks after they delisted me in 1992, but I'm back now. I hope it’s a Cyril led renaissance, and that we rediscover the glory of 2008. In last place, I'd like to see the Gold Coast (likely) or Collingwood (unlikely).
6. Where do you think the Gold Coast Suns will finish this season?
I'm predicting sixteenth or seventeenth for the Suns. Sadly, it will be a temporary slump as the vast riches of this stupid expansion are ploughed into hauling them up the ladder. Western Sydney will start even worse, and
are an even greater folly. Why not Tassie? A proper footy state with proper footy people in it.
Greater Western Sydney is where I'd go to set up a soccer team, a rugby league team or a criminal gang.
7. If Nathan Ablett was going for $20, would you put him in your Dream Team?
Nup. To think that Nathan kicked three goals in a premiership team. Quite astonishing. He temporarily benefited from the same sweet torrent of midfield dominance that also sustained Cam Mooney. And Tomahawk. For mine,
the JPod is the only one of the big Cats who is a proper key position target and a natural mark. I love him.
8. If you were a prize fighter, what song would you have playing as you made your way to the ring and why?
I'd walk out to Joe Cocker's 'You Can Leave Your Hat On', and do some suggestive work with my silk dressing gown on the way out. This would be about as good as it got for me.
9. What is your favourite pub for a post-game beer?
Handsome Steve's House of Refreshment at the Abbotsford Convent. A giant papier mache Gary Ablett Snr sits on the bar. There are footy clippings on every wall, including some relating to West Mount Gambier.
10. Gazza, Judd or Swannie?
Judd has been best for the longest. Gazza's prelim against Collingwood was the perfect game. Swannie I love for willing himself to become elite. But he's still the worst of those three.
Juddy at a pinch.
Tony Wilson’s latest book, Making News, is out now. Discover the wonderful world of Tony at:
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